I haven’t blogged in a while because, well, that’s pretty much what I do, I can implement for a while and then I’m over it after a few times. I am not going to promise that I will blog every day, or every week, or every month, but I can promise that if there is a subject heavy on my mind that I feel like sharing with the world, then I’ll blog.
Some of you may know that lately I’ve been battling myself and pretty much beating myself up daily on where I’m failing in life. Whether it be as a wife, a mother, an employee, or a Christian. Every stumble makes me feel even more discouraged. Fortunately God has blessed me with a wonderful and VERY understanding husband so I can say what I’m feeling and not have to pay a therapist hundreds of dollars to listen to my streaming of thoughts.
Lately I haven’t been feeling fulfilled in anything I do. As a mother and a wife, simple pleasures as cooking for my family or spending time with them do fulfill me and make me joyful. But when I wake up on Monday mornings the fulfillment melts away and I’m sitting behind a computer screen thinking about my purpose in life. I don’t think it’s uncommon for people to think this way. I think a lot of us struggle with purpose and what God has put us on this Earth to accomplish. I look to the Bible for answers or again, bounce my thoughts off Mike and both avenues leave me with the reassurance and the feeling that I’m put on this Earth to serve God.
Our preacher at church had a sermon on this a couple of weeks ago. And we’ve studied this in our mission teams. But I can’t hear it enough. I was telling Mike yesterday that I have to remind myself a thousand times a day that my purpose on this Earth is the serve God. When I get down that we can’t afford this or that, or that I didn’t get invited to whatever event, or when I think someone is a better mother than me, or when I feel my job isn’t fulfilling, I have to constantly say “Erin, what’s your purpose in life?” And I answer “Serve God!” But then the next question follows, “How are you serving God?” Yep, it’s at that point I have stumped myself. And if you think this blog is going to answer the second question, it’s not. I’m still thinking about it. And to know that we are not guaranteed tomorrow makes the second question even scarier, huh?
I sometimes just pick up the Bible and start reading and a certain passage hit me hard today. The first verse in James.
“This letter is from James, a slave of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ.”
A slave of God – WOW, how powerful of a statement a person can make! The word “slave” is always looked at in a negative sense, I mean, the definition of slave is to be owned by someone else and one who labors for someone else’s purpose and influence. None of us want to feel that we are a slave of any person, but how AWESOME would it be to say “I’m a slave of God!” It makes me all tingly inside to maybe one day be able to say “I’m a slave of God.” Yep, I said one day. Isn’t that what we all think? I mean, can you honestly say to yourself and to the world that today, at this very hour, you are a slave of God? Not sure many of us can, yet we all have good intentions to become a better Christian. I know some who can say they are slaves of God and I admire these people very much. But I cannot honestly look in the mirror and say that. I can say “I want to be a slave of God.” That’s about as far as it gets.
Why can’t I say I’m a slave of God? Because my actions don’t speak this phrase…my actions barely whisper this phrase. So what’s the next step? Prayer! I may not be able to commit to blogging everyday, but I can commit to praying to God that He will help me become a slave of His and be completely indebted to Him and His purpose.
I hope anyone who reads this will pick up the Bible and read that first verse in James (at the very least) and make a commitment to start praying that you too will be bound to God and the Lord Jesus Christ and be enslaved to His will forever.
